I couldn't help myself, I needed to kill an animal we all needed meat. I was in the forest waving my knife around in a circle cutting the tendrils that hang in front of me. The festoons of the forest make my eyes glimmer. As I here something in the bushes I turn my body towards the sound. It was just Ralph.
"Jack what are you doing?"
"Im hunting we need meat"
"Jack, we need to build some huts down on the beach the little kids are scared, we need to make them feel more at home."
"But we all need meat, don't you understand?"
Ralph looked at me with a furtive face. As I looked at him with a flaunt face. He did not understand what i was trying to say, the littleuns don't need shelter they need comfort food and that is what I shall do for them, then I will be leader. He was being so oppressive. I was bewildered, what was the meaning of this? as i looked at my feet in the sand a sharp piece of barb lay next to my toe. It did not make sense he was being inscrutable. Ralph stood up and walked down to the beach. As I went on with my hunting.
3 comments:
Amber,
Nice job.
Alot of the journal entries were always starting out the same. Jacks hunting and he's eager to kill a pig (Blah blah blah) But yours was starting out with his explaination on wh he wants to kill a pig. Now time for th nasty commments (I really wouldn't say any because yours is good but I guess this is supposd to help you... somehow) Well I dunno if a "furtive face" is a real face you can make but I might be wrong so like I said its already good.
nice journal ^_^
-Leyla
hola-I like all the dialougue you used...
-Jack
Amber-
Good job. I only check for technical problems so here goes. 1) I'm not sure you can have a "furtive face". 2) I'm also not sure about a "flaunt face" 3) in the first sentence you might need a comma. 4) there are a few other places where a comma might be needed. Over all, great job.
-Emma
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